So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
As shirtless as possible
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
