Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just pee around me
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