I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
