Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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