is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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