so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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