I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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