You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
