Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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