'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
