I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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