idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
