if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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