would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
