I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
