I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize