dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
