I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
