Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
