is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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