Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
