I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
do herpes really smell.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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