I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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