me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
