pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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