actually, I'm a sock model
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
