Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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