i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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