one word: firstdatebathroomanal
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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