Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
That accounts for only three of the penises
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
