Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
