hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
