so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
