u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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