If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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