K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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