you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
