he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize