I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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