I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
