absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
