I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
