Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
