My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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