I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
