Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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