In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
