Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize