Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
