so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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