At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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