He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
