I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
