According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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