I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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