Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
