Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
