I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Randomize
