I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Pants are for mortals
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
