matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Two words: nipple clamps
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