I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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