it's too hot outside to masturbate.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
