I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
