I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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