I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize