My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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