before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
