you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
