she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
