Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
