Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
