I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
